Hello Wild Souls,
Because my birthday is close to the end of the year, it provides me a good place to begin looking back over the last 12 months. To see what has changed and shifted for me and what I would like to focus on for the next year.
I don't really like to place my years into buckets, like sorted mail.
This year sucked, that year was awesome, etc.
I see things less black and white than that.
What I see for the last 12 months is an amazing amount of growth in becoming my whole self and embodying my radical authenticity. I 've seen my ability to hear and trust my intuition grow into a natural way to move through life. My previous overthinking, overcritical, addicted to drama brain has chilled the fuck out due to my meditation practices. I live 90% of my life with inner peace, tapped into my sensuality and in love with life.
I am continuing to step into vulnerability, it is not an easy thing, as there is always a new edge. Especially for someone who desires connection. But what I have found out this year is that letting myself be seen and my light shine more fully has drawn the most incredible people into my life and my connections with those I already knew are deeper and richer and more loving. I can not tell you how satisfying this is to my wild soul.
I saw this shift so clearly, over the weekend.
I went on dinner date with a man I met recently. It was a lovely night, great conversation and romantic atmosphere with great food and mellow live music. He was so present with me up to end of the night. I could feel him energetically shut down after some prolonged eye contact. We were done with dinner and lingering over coffee. It was almost funny to me the way he ended the date, walked me to the car, kissed me on the check and ran to his car. He saw my wild soul and ran.
So, cut to two days later, he texts me to check in. He tells me he had a great time.
I'm going to transcribe the messages (he is Scottish, fun fact to explain the use of bloody and brilliant):
Him: You know I was thinking...if you can do that just touching my hands...bloody hell...what must you be capable of...I'd need to wear a suit of armor next to you..haha!
Me: Very intriguing question...what am I capable of? (my thought here is what would be possible if I could be with a man that did not feel the need to hide himself from me)
Him: You're dangerous!! (So this really triggered me, so I took some deep breaths and got curious)
Me: Why do you say that? I'm curious.
Him: Well...you have a mystic...feminine of course....but something else too... more akin to an empath...but I think you already know that.
Me: Your are right about me but I'm wondering what kind of danger you feel like you are in with me?
Him: Of loosing oneself in you...I mean I don't know you...but it's palpable..maybe danger is the wrong word...an invitation...seducing...erotic...hidden...stimulating both mentally and physically.
Me: I appreciate you answering so honestly.
Him: Certainly not to be received as a criticism...heaven forbid...I meant it as a compliment.
A week later I am looking at this as a very sure sign that I am showing up fully as myself, even on first dates. I am so proud of myself.
It's okay if that feels dangerous to others. To me it feels amazing.
Note: I am in no way looking for dating advice. But defiantly open to discussion around these topics.